Talking to Teens About Spiritual Things

Talking to Teens About Spiritual Things

One dad recalls a meeting he had with other fathers about how to communicate with young people about spiritual issues: In a “Rite of Passage” planning session with six other dads. Our conversation centered around how we could discuss spiritual concepts with our children, to prepare them to take their places in the church as godly men and women. However, several of the fathers stated they had never before talked with their children about spiritual matters.

You might understand the response of those men. Even if you have carefully and conscientiously nurtured faith in your children through their early years, adolescence brings changes. As a young child, your son or daughter may have accepted everything you said without question. Now there seems to be nothing but questions. In short, the season of “sermons” is over; the days of discussion have arrived.

The reason is simple: Teens want to be treated as adults. So, in order to talk with them about spiritual matters, we parents need to relate to our teens as grownups. The best place to begin is by building on the existing relationship.

Building on the Relationship

1. Spending time with your teen.

Time communicates value to teenagers; when we spend time with them, we know they are important to us. Teens want (and need) some privacy and “space,” but keep planning family activities that include them.

2. Listen more than lecture.

The time for instruction is mostly past; now it’s important to listen to our teens so we can better understand how they think. Listening creates opportunities to find out what they know, what they think, what they feel and what principles guide their lives. Here are a few ideas to help you listen more closely:

Ask open-ended questions that start with words such as how, what and why. For example: “When your prayer wasn’t answered the way you wanted, how did you feel? Why do you think God answered the way he did?”

Ask your teens to define what’s important in their culture. Ask about particular words in songs or popular phrases they use.

Praise them for their accomplishments, such as earning good grades, reaching a tough goal or making a hard decision that showed good judgment. Avoid the trap of seeing—and talking about —only their mistakes and shortcomings.

3. Express encouragement and affection, physically and verbally.

We can show our support in simple ways: a hug, a pat on the back, a kind word or compliment. Just using good manners can communicate love and respect, which are important to our young men and women. We can say “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry” to them as well as to anyone. Being our children makes them no less deserving of our consideration.

4. Have fun together.

A ballgame. A meal at a restaurant. A drive in the country. Shopping at the mall. These are places where you can enjoy casual, non-threatening conversations and just get to know each other better. Here’s one suggestion: Schedule a weekly “date night” with your teen, with the understanding that it is for fun and will be free of heavy conversation. But be sure to blanket your time with prayer in advance.

One father made a breakfast appointment with his teenage son because he wanted to tell his son about the hopes, dreams, and prayers he had for the boy. But the father also found out that the son wanted more time—and breakfasts—with his dad. Thus began a wonderful habit. Each week, father and son went out for the breakfast, where they discussed spiritual issues and other important things. But they also spent a lot of time talking about the sports page. Communication comes easier when it is part of an on-going relationship.

5. Be vulnerable.

Teens respect honesty, and being open with them will encourage them to be open with us. Vulnerability is not a weakness; it is part of being human. Our children need to know we have problems, too. The good news is that our troubles give us opportunities to talk with our teens about how to rely on the Lord and his strength.

6. Live consistently. Values are caught, not taught.

Children look for consistency between our words and actions, especially when it comes

to our relationship with God. So we need to ask ourselves: How is my relationship with

Him? What words would the Lord use to describe my relationship with him? How often

do I pray? What do I ask God for? What happens when I pray?

7. Learn about their world.

Teens often think that adults are out of touch with the issues they face (and sometimes

they’re right!). One way to understand their world is to read some teenage magazines.

Then we can follow up on our research be asking our teens’ opinions on topics we come

across. The more we know their world, the more we will know them.

8. Be a friend.

One way we parents can show respect to our teens is to show sensitivity and other

affirmation when they are having troubles. We need to resist the urge to tease them when

they are bothered by something important to them, such as a relationship with the

opposite sex. Ephesians 4:29 tells us that we should only say “what is helpful for building

others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”—and that verse

doesn’t have an exception clause for our children!

9. Pray specifically for your teen at least once a week.

We must set aside time to pray for our children. Some parents find it helpful to fast and

pray for their kids one day a week. We can help our teens see the power of prayer when

we ask them every week what we can pray about for them. They may be concerned about

a tough exam or a friendship that’s run aground. They might even talk about a temptation

that they are struggling with.

At the end of the week, remember to tell your teen you were praying for him or her.

Together, you will see how God answers your prayers.

Talking Spiritual

As your relationship develops, you will find more and more opportunities to discuss deep,

spiritual matters. Here are some key topics and questions to cover—but don’t be limited by this

list. Be prepared to talk about any questions, doubts or discoveries your teen has.

1. Your teen’s personal relationship with God.

Try asking your teen, “If God were to describe your relationship with him, what words

would He use? What makes you feel this way?”

2. Purity and holiness.

Ask, “How would you describe ‘purity’ to your best friend? Why? When I say the word

‘holy’, what comes to mind, and why?”

3. Prayer.

Ask, “How does prayer fit into your daily life? If prayer is spiritual breathing, what

chokes it out of your schedule? What is the biggest question you have about prayer?”

4. Relationships.

As an icebreaker, you might say, “Describe a relationship between a boy and a girl that

honors God. What limits are important for you to maintain in a relationship that glorifies

God? Whom do you know that sets a good example in a boy-girl relationship? What

makes it good?”

5. Honor.

Ask your teen, “How do you honor a friend of yours? Why? How does that friend honor

you?”

“Impress Them on Your Children”

God gave parents the responsibility to talk with children about Him, to pray with them and help

them grow in their own faith (Deuteronomy 6:4-7; Psalm 78:1-8). When we talk with our teens

about spiritual things, our honesty, patience, vulnerability and willingness to make time for them

can open the doors to the life in Christ we hope for them and the relationship God himself

desires.

Talking in Your Teen’s World

Parents can wonder if the teen in their family has come from another country—or maybe another

planet. That’s how hard communication can seem, even in the best relationships. How can you

encourage open, honest discussion with your teen? Try some of these ideas.

1. Plan your communication.

Good communication requires a proper mood and setting, as well as good timing. Some

parents find that going for a long drive with their teen once a week is a great way to

create discussion time. Not only is there a “captive audience,” but your conversation may

feel less intimidating because you are talking side by side, not face to face. The two of

you may be in a much better position, literally, to have a great discussion.

2. Have a discussion, don’t preach a sermon.

A conversation is like a tennis game: To keep the match going, the ball must be hit back

and forth. Rather than dictating conclusions or discounting their ideas, use questions and

thoughtful responses to coach your teen’s thinking and help them learn to think and speak

clearly about important issues.

3. Engage them in non-threatening, thought-provoking conversation.

Ask your teen’s opinions on different issues. Talk about the news you hear or read, or

open a discussion about a TV program you watch together. Remember: If you respect

your teen’s opinions, it’s likely they will respect yours (even if they don’t say so).

4. Make it easy for your teen to be honest.

One couple created a report card so their son and daughter could grade them on their

relationship. It looked like this:

Dad (Mom) shows me he (she) loves me ___

Dad (Mom) is fair in his (her) decisions ___

Dad (Mom) is interested in my feelings ___

Dad (Mom) admits when he (she) is wrong ___

Dad (Mom) spends enough time with me ___

Dad (Mom) controls his (her) anger and words ___

Dad (Mom) listens to what I say ___

Dad (Mom) is fun ___

Dad (Mom) trusts me ___

Dad (Mom) respects me ___

Dad (Mom) enjoys being with me ___

Dad (Mom) provides spiritual leadership ___

Dad (Mom) makes me a priority in his (her) life ___

Overall grade ___

One a scale from 1 to 10 (10 is best), what kind of relationship do you want with Dad

(Mom)? ____

On the same scale, where are you today in your relationship with Dad (Mom)?

If your Dad (Mom) could change three things to raise his or her grade to a 10, what

would they be?

1.

2.

3.

In Deuteronomy 6:4-7, God instructs parents to teach children about following him. In

what three areas of your spiritual walk would you like your dad or mom to help?

1.

2.

3.

This approach opens the door for great conversations. But be careful when using this

process. This isn’t a time to defend your position; you can only ask questions to clarify a

response. Remember: “Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged”

(Colossians 3:21).

Note: Some of the ideas in this section are adapted from the books Faithful Parents, Faithful

Kids, by Greg P. Johnson and Mike Yorkey (Tyndale) and Raising Responsible Kids, by Jay Kesler

The Kangaroo Court of Jesus

The Kangaroo Court of Jesus

There is so many issues with the trial(s) of Jesus. Listed are a few, my prayer is this helps you grow in your walk with Christ.

In recent years, Americans have been bombarded by one sensational criminal trial after another—each one, it seemed, the "trial of the century." Ironically, this exposure may have given us new eyes for appreciating the details of what Christians believe to be the trial of all time: Jesus bar Joseph v. Sanhedrin.

In the New Testament, the Sanhedrin trial of Jesus refers to the trial of Jesus before the Sanhedrin (a Jewish judicial body) following his arrest in Jerusalem and prior to his dispensation by Pontius Pilate. It is an event reported by all four Canonical gospels of the New Testament, although John's Gospel does not explicitly mention a Sanhedrin trial in this context.

Jesus is generally quiet, does not mount a defense, and rarely responds to the accusations, but is condemned by the Jewish authorities when he will not deny that he is the Son of God. The Jewish leaders then take Jesus to Pontius Pilate, the governor of Roman Judaea, and ask that he be tried for claiming to be the King of the Jews.

The trial as depicted in the Gospel accounts is temporally placed informally on Thursday night and then again formally on Friday morning

The arrest, trial, conviction, sentencing and execution of Jesus Christ was and still is without legal precedent. He suffered the death penalty even though Pontius Pilate – the local Roman authority – found Him innocent.  

The Messiah actually underwent two trials with three phases each. First came the religious trial where the charge was blasphemy; then came the civil trial where the charge was incitement to rebellion. 

Jesus was tried before a “kangaroo court”. This is how the dictionary refers to a kangaroo court – (An unfair, biased, or hasty judicial proceeding that ends in a harsh punishment; an unauthorized trial conducted by individuals who have taken the law into their own hands, a proceeding and its leaders who are considered corrupt and without regard for the law). Like all such trials, it was preceded by a conspiracy: “Then the chief priests and the elders of the people assembled in the palace of the high priest, whose name was Caiaphas, and they schemed to arrest Jesus secretly and kill him. “But not during the festival,” they said, “or there may be a riot among the people.” (Matthew 26:3-5) 

The conspiracy included the Pharisees, the elders of the people, the Sadducees and the chief priests. These were two opposing camps and there was a great bitterness between them. But they had one thing in common; animosity towards the claims of the Messiah. While Jesus upheld the Law of Moses, He refused to uphold the traditions of either the Pharisees or the Sadducees. This was the reason He was hated by both groups. This hatred gave rise to a conspiracy against the Messiah, which was lead by Caiaphas, the High Priest. The plan was to arrest Jesus in secret, away from the attention of the masses, and kill Him before the people became aware of what had happened. 

Matthew 26:14-16, Mark 14:11 and Luke 22:5 clearly declare that the conspirators were glad when Judas offered the opportunity to apprehend Jesus. They quickly made a promise to pay him for his services. The amount agreed upon was thirty pieces of silver. Judas was paid out of the “Temple” money that had been designated for the purchase of sacrifices. Little did the conspirators realize that they were indeed purchasing a sacrifice with temple money, for when the Messiah died, he died as the sin-sacrifice for all men. 

The thirty pieces of silver had further meaning. According to Exodus 21:32 “If the bull gores a male or female slave, the owner must pay thirty shekels of silver to the master of the slave. . .” Thus, the leaders of Israel held the ministry of the Messiah to be the value of a slave. Yet at the same time, unknown to them, these leaders were fulfilling an Old Testament Prophecy. Zechariah 11:12 clearly states that His price would be thirty pieces of silver. Read Zechariah 11:12-13. 

By the time of the Messiah, Judaism had developed a large body of law controlling every facet of Jewish life, which in the Scriptures is referred to as the tradition of the elders (read Mark 7:3-4).  

Within this massive body of law were the commandments that dealt with the manner in which the Sanhedrin was to conduct a trial. 

The main thing that the Pharisees and Sadducees had against the Messiah was His refusal to accept the traditions as being authoritative and binding. Yet they themselves were guilty of the very thing for which they condemned the Messiah. In trying to bring about the speedy death of the Messiah through a kangaroo court, they violated a number of their own laws. 

The twenty two laws of the Sanhedrin which were violated at Messiah’s trial are as follows: 

1.     There was to be no arrest by religious authorities that was affected by a bribe: “Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the innocent.” (Exodus 23:8) 

2.     There were to be no steps of criminal proceedings after sunset. (“Let a capital offense be tried during the day, but suspend it at night.” (Mishna = the oral law, Sanhedrin 4:1)). 

3.     Judges or Sanhedrin members were not allowed to participate in the arrest. “Then Jesus said to the chief priests, the officers of the temple guard, and the elders, who had come for him, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs?” (Luke 22:52) 

4.     There were to be no trials before the morning sacrifice.  

5.     There were to be no secret trials, only public. 

6.     Sanhedrin trials could only be conducted in the Hall of Judgment of the Temple Compound. 

7.     The procedure was to be first the defense and then the accusation. 

8.     All may argue in favor of acquittal, but all may not argue in favor of conviction. 

9.     There were to be two or three witnesses and their testimony had to agree in every detail: (Deuteronomy 19:15) 

10.  There was to be no allowance for the accused to testify against himself. 

11.  The High Priest was forbidden to rent his garments (Leviticus 21:10) 

12.  Charges could not originate with the judges. They could only investigate charges brought to them. 

13.  The accusation of blasphemy was only valid if the name of God itself was pronounced. 

14.  A person could not be condemned on the basis of his own words alone. 

15.  The verdict could not be announced at night, only in the daytime. 

16.  In case of capital punishment, the trial and guilty verdict could not occur at the same time but must be separated by at least 24 hours. 

17.  Voting for the death penalty had to be done by individual count beginning with the youngest so the young would not be influenced by the elders. 

18.  A unanimous decision for guilt shows innocence since it is impossible for 23-71 men to agree without plotting. 

19.  The sentence could only be pronounced three days after the guilty verdict. 

20.  A person condemned to death could not be beaten or scourged beforehand. 

21.  Judges were to be humane and kind. 

22.  No trials are allowed on the eve of the Sabbath or on a feast day. (The Mishna = Oral law says: “They shall not judge on the eve of the Sabbath, or on any festival.”

The legal analysts would describe Jesus' fate as the result of his poor defense strategy. And they would be right, except for one overlooked possibility: that Jesus had spoken the truth about being Messiah, the kind that would judge from the right hand of the Father. Three short days later that truth set Jesus free; God literally raised Jesus from the dead. What had been a very bad Friday suddenly looked like Good Friday. Or as one exceptional legal analyst by the name of Paul saw it, Jesus "was declared with power to be the Son of God by his resurrection from the dead" (Rom. 1:4).